Marco Miranda Senior

I still do not know if Teacher Tom, a former financial executive with one of the energy companies, was serious about our conversation that morning, or it was just a quick statement full of shock value aimed at setting up the flavor of the morning discussion.

In any case, those jewels he dispenses at the beginning of almost every session are full of wisdom and reflect the workings of an alert and experienced mind.

“Just what do you mean about saving our billionaires?” I asked.

“Just what it means. Do not try to read in between the lines; there are no lines. Saving our billionaires embodies a purpose similar to saving the buffalo, the bald eagle and the US Dollar! We can not allow that our billionaires, a natural resource and a shining example of American ingenuity to the rest of the world, be exposed at this time of crisis to unnecessary inquisitions and embarrassing queries”

“Natural resources?’

In a serious tone, Teacher Tom answered:

“Just think of a cactus. It has an exceptional capacity to absorb water in the driest soil and least attractive climate. It grows quickly and in the process develops its self defenses in the form of needles that keep him safe from predators and stray cowboys. It knows how to extract the smallest drop from nowhere; it manages to keep it and allows it to attract more with not the slightest concern for other life forms that could use some of the magic element. A cactus, like a billionaire, enhances the view and provides a feeling of envy in many. You know, if he can make it, so can I!’

"That is a strange analogy, Teach!”

“Nothing simple about cactus or billionaires, my friend!” He laughed out loud and then added:

“We are the only rich country in the world that can create billionaires at the drop of an uninsured short term triple reverse debenture and in the process protect the American dream. That is, nothing like an American billionaire to proclaim the opportunities, justice and fairness of our system. You see, our billionaires spread wealth and goodwill among many countries abroad by buying choice estates in the Med, the Caribbean islands, expensive jewelry in Paris and Geneva, custom-made 24-seat business jets in Manchester, 100 foot Swedish yachts, Austrian skis and those 3 thousand dollar shoes you find in Rue de Rivoli or Regent Street!”

“I get it, but how can they manage to accumulate such wealth that is obviously obtained at the expense of other less fortunate and less mentally awake competitors, bureaucrats and little old ladies in peaceful suburbs?”

Teacher Tom looked at me as if I had just broken out of the shell. He observed:

“My friend, there are more than one thousand billionaires in the world today. Not all of them have attained their privileged status by robbing little old ladies, playing the stock market and selling How To books! The two valid  reasons that justify their billionaire status are simply opportunity and blood equalization. Their success comes from those admirable conditions/”

“Blood equalization? What the hell is that?’

“In simple terms, it is the blood lines in wealthy families that allow a member to join their billionaire ranks. For instance, if you are born into the ruling Saudi Royal family, the Malaspina family in the Bronx or the Terushenko Oil family in Moscow, your billionaire status is assured. But the other facet of blood equalization is the subtle manner in which a bond is created with those who control the many government rulings and mandates and also those who quietly open the door of the vaults for you.  A link as strong as a blood link is created and  is conveniently supported by discreet contributions that enable you to continue your ascent into the billionaire status. Blood is thicker than. . . you know what!”

I must admit that I felt a bit dizzy from the peculiar descriptions made by Teacher Tom. I could understand that the billionaire’s maneuvers and deceitful plans of all those on the stairways to billions would attract large quantities of money from seduced investment management companies and their inevitable ‘dark pools’, and their shady deals behind the backs of consultants, auditors, comptrollers and the Federal Deposit Insurance. As they all crashed, the billionaires managed to save the major portion of their billions in strange nests and doubtful corporations abroad; then we, the taxpayers, thanks to a magnanimous government had to cover the deficits of practically the entire banking and financial structure of the country in ways that were simple appropriations. I marveled about where the government was going to get all that money, keeping in mind that tax revenues were not the answer. I thought about those 800 billion in tax reductions granted those billionaires. I asked the Teacher about it:

“Who is going to pay for this debacle, Teach?”

“Probably China, Japan, India and a few other suckers!”

“How are we going to pay that back? The country has a financial hole of more than 70 trillions!”

He laughed and answered:

“Easy, we just do not pay it. In time it will go as a bad debt in the books of those countries!”

I could not believe my ears. But had to agree that there was reason behind the Teacher’s observation. I was also puzzled to his money-making reference of ‘How To’ books as a source of immense wealth. I asked:

“You mentioned a How To book. What is it?”

He reached into the bookcase next to him and pulled an imitation  leather-covered book, beautifully engraved, also containing a CD. He smiled and said:

“This my latest E-book ‘How to Become a Billionaire in Six Easy Lessons” He handed it to me with these words:

“This is a numbered issue. The chance of a lifetime. Now, write me a check for 995.99 dollars and you will be on your way to untold riches!

Copyright@Marco Miranda Sr., 2009

“Our health is the dearest treasure we have.  The more we learn about the ways to protect it, the larger blessing it becomes”

Doctor Phil Tardani

The professor does not cease to surprise me. This time he had been invited to  attend a symposium on Cancer and Cell Mutations, that took place in Vesenaz, a small suburb of Geneva, Switzerland. My interest resulted from the fact that I had spent some of my childhood years in that lovely village and, also, I could not miss the opportunity to learn the latest about this terrible illness.

“Prof, I did not know that you were also interested in such scientific disciplines. I always thought that your research objectives in the Life Sciences remained within the areas of large scale prevention of the more common illnesses and continuous encouragement for research.”

“Wrong conclusion on your part” replied the Professor. I have done work on Genetics and recently have looked at the most deadly of all cellular deficiencies. Cancer is still a major killer; cure and treatment of some of its many forms so far, has enjoyed a modest success. As in the case of DNA manipulation in stem cells, cancerous genes demand a special treatment. The difference is that such cancer research does not attempt against any procedures that might offend moral, ethical or religious ideas as is the case with Stem Cell research.”

Like most of the Professor’s projects in these important areas, his contribution was not limited to funding but also to actual work in development and the time consuming activity in the coordination of the various entities and specialists involved. I became instantly curious; he would not engage in such a delicate area unless there was something that could yield positive results. I said:

“If you promise to explain to me in terms that can be understood by a Junior High student, I shall be glad to brew the coffee, cut a few pieces of that Belgian Coffee cake, warm them in the microwave and pour two modest shots of Remy Martin!”

He laughed and answered;

“Agreed.  While you busy yourself in the pantry, I shall look at my notes.”

In few minutes we sat down in front of the coffee table where the  tray of goodies and the coffee were on display. He begun:

“The starting point of this project is simply that the genes of a person with cancer have been successfully decoded and in the process they found a set of mutations that may be the cause of the disease.”

“How did they managed that?”

“The cells of a patient who died from leukemia sequenced all the DNA from her cancer cells  and that allowed for comparison with the DNA from her healthy cells. In the process, they identified several mutations in the cancer cells. These were responsible for abnormal growth and somehow neutralized the effects of chemotherapy, which has been partially successful in the elimination of mutant cells.”

Aware that the Professor would enlighten me and in the process throw at me a few hundred new scientific terms, I had to ask:

“What the heck is that DNA genome sequence that seems so popular this day? Popular among the learned ones, that is.”

‘Think of DNA as a string of pearls, except that we call the pearls nucleotides and the string a genome. Now, what they discussed in Vesenaz was an update on some of the more salient conclusions of the Human Genome Project in the year 2000, which produced the largest DNA sequence ever assembled.”

“How about that ‘sequencing’ that is often mentioned/’

“It is a biochemical method used to determine the order of bases in the nucleotide string and from there identification can be made of mutants and other deficiencies. Since cancer is strictly a disease of the genome, it is important to know about the rules that affect some of the components and which ones!”

We honored some of the cake and after a cautious sip of the cognac, I asked the Professor:

“Where do stem cells figure in all this?’

“So far we can only guess. The field of application is limitless. In few words, my friend, stem cells can be used in what I would call ‘tissue engineering’, or the possibility to patch up or build entire sections of organs using the patient’s own cells so that rejection is eliminated.”

I continued to be amazed at the possibilities that new scientific investigations are beginning to suggest eventual cure for all ailments and probably eternal life. I said so.

The Professor laughed. “Not so fast, my friend. Do not plan to stem cell yourself to improve your golf game. That is truly a hopeless case!”

A Truly false interview

Gov Sarah Palin

Anchorage at this time of the year, late Fall, has its own charm and beauty. Framed by the Chugach blue-colored mountain range and a busy port nesting in the Cook Inlet, it is the entry to the largest state in the US and the closest area to Russia through the Bering Sea. It was nice to be back in Anchorage after several years even if the purpose of the trip was not exactly a ‘gimme’.

The result of the 2008 elections were liable to introduce a bit of bitterness in the character of Sarah Palin, the Alaskan candidate for the Vice Presidency. A personal interview at this time did not suggest the most appropriate atmosphere.

In her place, I would have been disappointed, bitter and even mad to have lost a chance for such important post. You just don’t flirt with history and not feel the pain if you are turned down! She suggested that we meet at Ginocchio’s. that famed Italian restaurant around the corner from the Ritz.

“It is better to meet away from the Governor’s mansion.” She said to me over the telephone. “I seem to attract more people these days than flies chasing the manure spreaders in the valley!”

As we sat down in a discreet corner of the dining room, at Ginocchios with a Campari and Soda in front of us, she continued:

“Even my secretary keeps asking me for some quotes she can use in the book she is writing about me and the 2012 elections.”

She is a handsome woman, meaning that there is natural beauty combined with maturity and no excuses about herself. She was wearing jeans, a Football sweatshirt, a simple cashmere scarf, a military three quarter jacket and simple moose leather boots. And a pleasant smile.

I looked at her as deeply as her eye glasses would allow and asked:

“Mrs. Palin, are you glad it is over? Has it been worth it?”

She laughed and still holding up my staring eyes, replied:

“Call me Sarah and I’ll call you George since you remind me of Clooney. And yes, I am glad it is over. Was the thing worth it? Of course. where could you get those lovely pieces from Morgan’s, Castrini, Di Stefano, Louie Bleseres or Antonio Mendoza? And those fabulous shoes from Alcatoni, Hashers, Zellner and Simonson’s?”

“Guess you are right. Between you and Senator McCain’s wife Cindy, you provided the American public with a high level fashion show that somehow elicited dirty looks directed at many husbands from wives who envied such lovely clothes and the ladies who wore them with such grace and elegance!”

She laughed and observed in a sad tone:

“I felt sorry for dear old John, or Pappy John as I called him affectionately.”

“Why was that?’

“He and that gang of school dropouts that call themselves the ‘staff’, kept trying so hard to knock Obama down and kept dreaming up all kind of absurd schemes and compose nasty observations and comments.”

“Yes, we all noticed that. But, Sarah, you were the infantry or the first offensive line in the entire campaign. You also dreamed up a few things on your own, not that there is anything wrong with that!”

‘Bull! She exploded. “Those bastard had me programmed as an automatic toilet paper dispenser! “

“What did Pappy John have to say?”

“I think he did not notice. From the first day, he spent practically all his time working on a manuscript and barely bothered to take his 37 pills every two ours!”

“A manuscript?’

“Yes, darling, a manuscript.”

“About what?”

“His concession speech!”

Marco Miranda Sr.©

BRIGHT FUTURE 

“Nations invariably suffer the consequences best described by the precept that says that you end up lying in the bed that you just  made up!”  Maruta

It is Christmas 2009 at the White House:

Joe Lieberman knocked on the door of the Oval Office and,  after hearing the voice of Sarah Palin, the Vice President, telling him to come in, entered carrying the mid morning tray. For Joe, it had been a great year.  After many years of toiling for a wrong set of principles, he had found the rebirth of his emotions, ambitions and desires in the magnanimous treatment he had received from the previous occupant of the White House and the specific recommendation that he made to his successor to preserve Joe’s position and privileges.

President McCain sat in the special reclining chair behind the desk discreetly connected to a battery of electronic screens, monitors and sensing devices cleverly hidden within the oak antique cabinet behind the chair. Sarah Palin, the Vice President stretched out on one of the large sofas that had been fashionably covered with Kodiak Bear skin.

Joe proceeded to serve the two cups of coffee and to remove the cover of the tray containing the Vice President’s midmorning snack of Alaska Sea Urchins, boiled Whale Tongue in a cabbage and mustard sauce, and the tasty Juneau crackers. The President’s snack on the other hand, consisted of a multicolored variety of pills taken with Arizona Honey diluted with Anheuser-Bush beer.

Anticipating a major policy discussion in his presence, Joe finally felt the elation and pride that had eluded him for too long. Mowing the lawn of the White House, driving the ranch’s pick up truck to run errands in nearby Crawford, and having had to learn to saddle the president’s favorite mare were not the tasks he expected, or was qualified to do. But being near the sources of power, international  intrigue and universal relevance, was enough for him.

Vice President Sarah Palin read from her pink leather-covered notebook:

’The invasion of Iran went like Vaseline on a dog sled. Same as Afghanistan; there was no need to ‘surge’ or build miles of tall walls to keep noisy students quiet. The great news was that Syria has joined our armies same as Lebanon, Oman, Ethiopia, Yemen and what is left of Iraq. The Egyptians are thinking about it, while Israel has agreed to supply rockets, fine bolts of gabardine, chicken soup, water bottles and aspirins to the new coalition. OPEC, the Emirates and Saudi Arabia agreed to drill and produce crude oil in accordance with strict schedules. Gasoline is now sixty cents a gallon in the US!

President McCain smiled satisfied and proud of having a most efficient vice-president. She had already shown molten steel in her veins and her extensive female attributes have made Dick Cheney appear as an elderly, mild, vacillating and timid executive. He smiled at Joe and asked : “Joe, where is Lindsay Graham?”

Joe, still standing up by the door answered quickly:

“He went to Walmart to buy napkins and toilet paper after he finished iroing your shirts” He paused and then asked the vice president:

“How about the Immigration problems? Has Lou Dobbs, the new Secretary of People Displacements, secured the borders?”

“Not yet” answered Sarah as the President was now busy on the phone talking to someone about new orange dresses, 5,000 dollar shoes and the new and improved Botox treatments.

She looked at Joe and asked him;

“Joe, why the hell are you so concerned about illegal immigrants?’

Joe blushed and in a low tone replied:

“If we let Lou Dobbs secure our borders, where is our family enterprise, the Lieberman Domestic Employment Agency going to get its workers?”

Quote Who said that beauty and brains seldom go together?

“How did you manage to dodge the crowd that follows you around?’

She looked at me with that shiny flash in her eyes and slowly removed her fashionable eyeglasses. She smiled and replied:

“A few months in that governor’s office and you learn to become absent, invisible or both, or you lose your hair!”

There was a moment of silence that she used to assess me from head to foot. Then she added:

“I was becoming hysterical from all those questions. Am I really that odd? Am I that silly? “

“None of the above, Sarah. You are the proverbial breath of fresh air, or should I say the soft and welcome artic breeze?’

She laughed and asked me:

“Have you ever been to Alaska?”

“Never had the chance and I doubt that anyone in my profession has ever had that opportunity. Spending a lifetime on research of pyrolitic graphite and exotic carbon crystals, does not leave time for visits to faraway locations.  But, Sarah you have revived in me the curiosity for other environments that I used to enjoy some years back; it kept me alive. Tell me about it.”

Two hours later I regretted this last request.

I learned about fishing salmon, Alaskan trout, and bagging large Red King sea crabs, halibut, sea urchins and the ever popular Resurrection Bay sockeye.  She told me all about the various ways to detect the presence of Kodiak Brown bears, Grizzly, Mountain goats, Sitka Black tailed Deer, Caribou, Moose and Roosevelt Elk, avoiding traps, making snow shoes and looking for wild berries and those nourishing Alaskan hazelnuts. It was a lecture full of technicalities and references. So I changed the subject and asked about her duties as Governor.

Before she answered, we had another beer and some of those Camembert cheese delights. She seemed to be eager to answer the question:

“My friend” she started and the she caught herself. “Since spending time with John McCain I have picked up his favorite greeting, or that tiresome ‘my friends’. Please forgive me.”

“Sarah”, I replied, “You can count on my forgiveness, pardon and total absolution, plus my granting you two indulgencies of the second degree!”

Again her laughter brought a note of cheerfulness to the somber corners of the lounge that I had located far away from the Congress Hall. She continued:

“Briefly, I was concerned about having an efficient operating system with which to deal with the largest state in the Union. That is, I monitored by the hour all revenues and of course all expenditures and adhered to a rigid CBRF. Keeping those Prudhoe Bay and North Slope oil and gas fields under surveillance is a fulltime job, even if good old Parnell keeps adding overtime charges to his check. 750,000 barrels per day are no peanuts, my friend!”

After thirty minutes of detailed discussion of Budget features, enhanced by equations, investment profiles, depreciation of productive assets, non-oil unrestricted revenues, tax exposures, curves and numbers on a napkin, she asked for another beer. She looked at me and smiled. She said:

“My friend, it is so nice to talk to someone who is not comparing you all the time to Obama, Hillary, Hitler, Britney or Oprah. It fills me with joy when there is real interest in my state.”

I added: “Real interest also in your person, Sarah!”

Big smile. Then I changed the subject:

“Have you read about the Hadron Collider tests in Geneva?’ I thought that moving into high physics would eventually lead to dialogues of a more personal nature. She replied:

“Of course, silly man! I have followed for years the work being done by CNRN in Meyryn, in the outskirts of Geneva. It always fascinated me that a simple high speed collision of protons might result in subatomic versions of collapsed entities. Some of us theorized that the appearance of ‘black holes’ with enormous gravity pull, might suck-in other planets and perhaps even systems. In theory this event might refer to initial work on quarks and gluons.”

She paused to take another sip of that lovely beer and bite with enthusiasm one of the little Camembert Cheese sandwiches. Then she continued:

“You see, my friend, this experiment is most important since it could lead to the elusive Higgs Boson, a hypothetical particle that could give mass to all other particles. That would take us into the creation of matter in the Universe”

“What is God’s role in this whole process?” I dared ask.

“My friend, you should know the answer. It has been there in front of the collective noses of the human race since it rented its first cave!”

Clever answer. I could not resist getting closer to her, grabbing her by her sensuous shoulders and was ready to kiss her slightly open and expectant lips when I woke up!”

Copyright©Marco Miranda Sr.

 Financial Aches and Pains

“The economy of any country is nothing but a reflection of its sense of what is possible and what is right!”

Matt Lindsay

‘Professor, it is clear that our country is going through a rough patch, or should I call it an apocalyptical season? Can you enlighten me a bit? I am concerned about my sizeable investments, the security of my steady income and the value of the properties I own!”

Looking a bit concerned, the Professor looked at me and shook his head gently:

“There is something called fiscal discipline that should be always present in any form of organized society, be that a humble home in the outskirts or a powerful nation like the United States. In the last few years, our fiscal discipline has been shattered by the lack of sensible measures to avoid abuses such as those that have become doctrine in the real estate sector. The glaring example is that of the mortgage guarantees that at this date exceed three trillion dollars. Trillions, my friend!”

“What is going to happen?’

“A peculiar development. While there is a clear distaste for the term socialism, we are looking at a clear ‘socialistic’ measure when the Government intervenes and has to assume a three trillion dollar responsibility, for which it will have to set down a number of measures that will affect futures generations. State control, no less. The situation is indeed critical. All you have to worry about at this point is to make sure that your income exceeds the obligations you have and, above all, avoid borrowing from any bank or established institution. If funds are needed make a deal with Uncle Mortimer, or sell one of the Picassos you have in your apartment!”

“What is all this jazz about liquidity crisis, solvency instability, debt valuation and convertibility and inspired mumbo jumbo about the sub prime predatory lending running wild and all of it lacking some form of rational regulations?”

“It is simply the result of an irresponsible enthusiasm that has gripped this country since the year 2000. Invading a country and calling it a war is part of the background; it had added a heavy load to the economic well being of the country. This state of confusion and lack of mature guidance by the entire government has fed this optimism when it should have tightened regulations and punished abuses. No wonder you see so many millionaires these days; it has been a period where doubtful deals could be made under the nose of a helpless and incompetent government, bent on a fantasy of keeping the rich richer in the hopes that some of the wealth would eventually reach the needy sectors. I agree that wealth must be protected as it is a key ingredient and raw material of our economy, but to promote it at the cost of social services, corporate abuse and the helpless plight of 50 million poor beings, is just too much!”

I could only pour myself another glass of Chambolle Mussigny, while the Professor attacked a pickled artichoke crowned with a slice of mild jalapeno. I had to ask:

“What is the answer, Professor?”

“How about regime change?”

 As the conflict in Darfur enters its sixth year, conditions continue to deteriorate for civilians. Hundreds of thousands of people have been killed. The United Nations estimates that figure at roughly 400,000. Additionally, 2.5 million Darfuris have fled their homes and continue to live in camps throughout Darfur, or in refugee camps in neighboring Chad and the Central African Republic.

Unless the international community imposes serious condition to the government of Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir’s, his government will continue to  accept  initiatives only to backtrack later or impose new conditions that render them useless.

‘It is hard to believe that in this day and age, mass murders and atrocities are still committed in some parts of the world. The situation in Darfur is a sad example of violence on one hand and almost total indifference on the part of most so called responsible nations. The international community keeps talking about genocide but does little to prevent this ongoing tragedy, Professor!”

I had just returned from a trip to Geneva where I had attended a meeting on Trends and Strategies. Darfur was one of the topics that impressed me. The Professor listened with interest to my short commentary and then said:

“True. More should be done by the international community. It is however a topic that can be easy to understand or impossible to evaluate. First, it is not genocide. The attackers do not wish to eliminate a race. They just want a number of tribes of mixed ancestry out of the way. Then it becomes complicated as you search some of the reasons for this continuous campaign against a mass of people that only wish to continue to live where they have lived for some time.”

“I am still in the dark Professor” I observed. He got up and stood in front of the world globe standing in one corner of his library and pointing at the location of the Sudan, continued:

“Some of the animosity comes from old Arab-African rivalries and the intransigence of the Sudanese government and its refusal to undertake any possible solution and the fact that they allow crimes against humanity to be committed on a regular basis. You have the Sudanese Army and the Janjaweed, or devils on horseback, that continue to harass and kill members of tribes in the Darfur region. Darfur occupies an extension as large as the state of Texas, so that conflicts instead of being few and far between are many and most around the corner. You see, there are liberation armies all over the place plus the Government of Chad that has to deal with the refugee problems, while the Justice and Equality Movement tries to sell some Justice and equality by shooting a few here and there, in spite of the reactions from the Islamic factions, the Darfurian Rebel Groups, the well armed Sudanese Liberation Army and the complaints of the Central African Republic that has also to contend with hundreds of thousands of refugees. You see, some 400,000 people have been killed in less that 5 years and 2.5 million people have been left homeless. If there is a tragedy on the world stage, my friend, this is it!”

“But how about the UN, the African Union, the European Union, ourselves, Russia, China and all the international Aid and charity organizations?”

“All of those you mention have undertaken programs to help the people of Darfur, which is fine. The problem is the government of Sudan; the only language they understand, unfortunately, is that of cavalry charges, lines of infantry riflemen and a few canon on high places, like old times.”

The Professor paused to pour some coffee in our cups and then:

“ They all agree that such solution is necessary but they fear the scope and resources demanded by such action. It is not a matter of sending a force of a few thousand. It is not simply taking over the government and securing Khartoum. It is a matter of having to face and neutralize scores of militias, roving armed gangs, armed groups, movements, counter movements, some religious sects, tribal rivalries, etc. In short,  a quagmire. It means an invasion similar to another one that has taken place in recent times!”

“You mean. . . . “

“Yep!”

Energy Independence at Last!

The last time, it was Weapons of Mass destruction in Iraq. And we fell for it! This time it is Drill Away to Energy Independence! And I smell that the American people will again succumb to another mirage.

The Professor and I could not avoid talking about the recent noises made about Energy Independence. Even at the cost of forsaking second helpings of a most attractive Key lime pie. I said:

“Is this the beginning of another snow job, Professor?’

“If they blow this up as skillfully as they did the Iraq episode, they will score. The American people will fall easily the moment you talk about lower energy prices and bandy around resounding phrases like ‘energy independence!”

“Yes, I noticed that President Bush had not finished his speech when several of his neo addicts in the TV screens of the nation were enthusiastically declaring ‘mission accomplished’! Energy independence is here! Back to dollar a gallon!

The professor smiled and added:

“Senator McCain, the Republican presidential candidate had recalled the 2007 Energy Independence and Security Act some weeks before and now, he and President Bush realize that the theme for the presidential election in 2008 is before them. It is perfect; it contains the proper dosage of patriotism covered with exciting rosy projections and on top of that, answers to God’s special designs!”

We went on to comment on Congress initial rejection of the Act mainly on the basis of the damage it would do to the environment, but left the  door open to further investigation and appropriate protection rulings.

I could not help saying;

“This refusal enabled the Bush-McCain duo and the Republican Party to  blame the Democratic Congress for refusing to support Energy Independence and thereby ignoring their patriotic duty to provide for the well being of the American public, proving once more that in politics you can twist, reverse, imply, suggest, distort and stretch any situation to advantage or disadvantage at will!
          The Professor laughed and said:

“Now that it will be possible to proceed with off shore drilling it is easy for President Bush and Senator McCain to grab Energy Independence as the theme. As in the case of the WMDs, the references so far are vague. Just start drilling tomorrow afternoon along the coastlines and gasoline will come out of one of those pipes in a little while. Gas prices will plummet!”

He shook his head and continued:

“Judging by the reaction of some of the so called ‘opinion makers’, energy independence is just around the corner. Now, this is a fallacy. Such thing as ‘energy independence’ for the United States is a golden dream that has its roots in the lack of understanding of the matter and therefore presents itself as an easy ‘sell’”

It brought to my mind the big smile on the face of one of the better known TV reporters and the collective applause of an audience eager for some good news after eight years of drama, tragedy and failure. I said so and the Professor thought for a moment and then said:

“This year we imported around two thirds of our oil needs and, as our consumption keeps on growing, we will be importing more. Our reserves and additional field explorations will not solve the problem. The US has been exposed for years to more explorations and tests for oil than any other nation on Earth; there is no multi billion barrel deposit waiting to be tapped in.”

How bad is the present situation?’ I asked.

“In a nut shell, we produce 8 million barrels a day, use 22 and import 14. In 3 years we will produce the same but will use 26 million barrels a day, so instead of importing 14 will have to import 18.  Meanwhile, China, India, Japan and Russia will each will use oil at a rate higher than ours and that means a more competitive market and of course higher prices.”

“Professor, you just about talked me out of exchanging my Jaguar for a  Ferrari. Now, what are our possibilities?

“The possibilities of increasing our own production through offshore exploration and drilling in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska and in the Gulf of Mexico will be limited and it will take years before substantial outputs can be obtained. To insist that by just opening these new areas of exploration will lead to energy independence is both childish and dishonest.”

“What next, Professor?’

“I don’t know about you but I am going to have another slice of that Key Lime Pie accompanied by a cup of coffee and crowned with a glass of Remy Martin!”

As we come to the end of this fateful period, we begin to notice the appearance of what can best be called home grown Judases that prey on their protectors, friends and associates in the administration and regency of the realm. They can not be stopped; those who pursue the role are doing what some one did a couple of thousand years ago and forever instituted the Judas process. They follow the process for the same reasons; the notable difference is that instead of a few Roman coins, they expect a few million dollars, or Euros if you wish.

Not everyone can become a Judas. It is easy to become a tattletale, a stabber in the back, a gossip bug or a rabble rouser but to earn the Judas label demands a strong capacity to overcome the nagging of a conscience and the ability to disregard any scruples that might appear uninvited. The process of transformation into a certified Judas is based on love. Yes, love for your fellow man or woman. The Judas essence is deeply encased in a kind of love that is professed and cherished.

The fellow who patented the Judas process was a man who loved his Master to the limits of adoration. His love was acknowledged and returned. It was the perfect scenario for the application of the tools of the Judas process. Among these, he used a combination of betrayal, falsehood, personal ambition and cruelty.

The Judas process has been in use since the day in that remote cave when Blorg said to his cousin and good friend Ungho not to worry about the cave and go on an extended hunting trip; he would gather the wood, get some cans of sardines and protect Erwina, Ungho’s lovely wife from the lascivious advances of the neighbors..

Upon his return, Ungho found that his cousin and dear friend had consummated an intense relationship  with Erwina while he was away and, further, had taken possession of the cave as his own. They would not let Ungho enter the cave, not even to collect his credit cards and laptop. Ungho was devastated and appealed to the Cave Master who, upon listening to Erwina and Blorg ruled in their favor, a decision that was discreetly aided by the stack of pelts and the finely carved bat that  Ungho presented to him. That episode had all the drama of Shakespearian two act plays. It illustrates the fact that wherever there is accumulated power there will be love and admiration and nine times out of ten, the Judas process will make its appearance.

So, how can you become a good Judas?

Dear reader: Here I was about to go into a lengthy description of the technicalities of the Judas process, but my editor disagreed strongly. “Everyone knows what a Judas does! Why rub it in? Just finish the darned thing and let us move on to something else! What do we pay you for?”

So I close now but wish to remind you that my next book deals with intransigent editors who date fashion designers and spend week ends in places like Cleveland and Mobile, Alabama!

OVERHEARD AT THE WHITE HOUSE

‘George, I  am beginning to worry about the day after we leave the White House. Imagine all the books that have not yet been released!”

“What books?”

“You know, the books of revelations! The series about ‘My Years in the White House”, ‘What no one Knows about the White House!’, “Do you Know the real George W. Bush?’, ‘Iraq, anyone?’, “’Does  Dick Cheney Really Smell of Sulphur?’, ‘Was Harriet Meiers really expecting?’ and so on. Everyone has a book ready to hit the headlines!”

“What can we do?”

‘I don’t know, George. Perhaps you can write a book denying everything.  Or perhaps get the Supreme Court Justices to come up with a new article for the Patriot Act that forbids denouncing you and your cronies in the White House!”

“Not a bad idea except for one thing. Each one is already written a book and like the rest are waiting until we leave the White House to publish them!!”

“That is a heck of a note George. One last question.”

“What is that?’

“Does Dick Cheney really smell like Sulphur?”

           "Una vista estupenda, eh?"

I turned around quickly and faced Fidel. He was partially hidden by a cloud of a seducing Pantoja N. 10, standing just inside the door of his office where I had been ushered a few minutes before. He was wearing colorful sports clothes and looked a bit frail.

"Más que estupenda" I replied in my impeccable Spanish and mentally thanked Uncle Sam for all those years in Torrejón, the Air Force base outside Madrid.

He sat down behind his massive wood carved desk whose appearance conjured a vision of a couple of solid silver candelabra, heavy books on the table, a crucifix on the wall behind and a solemn-looking bald headed Inquisitor sitting where Fidel was.

            "Comandante, have you thought about your retirement? You know, the State Department can arrange for at least a dozen locations where you can spend your declining years in peace and contentment. . "

            Fidel, puffed on a Pantoja and was soon hidden behind a glorious cloud of the fragrant poison. He gave the impression of a multi colored mattress on fire. He laughed out loud and said:

           "You sound like a funeral parlor director. What is this jazz about peace and contentment? There is a lot of work to be done. Did you know that there are 25 countries in the  Caribbean Basin area? Do you know that the combined economy of this group exceeds seven hundred billion dollars annually and that trade runs at over 200 billion a year?  And the area, with the fourth largest trading volume in the world is just coming into its own. And you want me to retire!"

           "Well, Comandante, the other 24 members of this group are established democracies and they wish for Cuba to be one also. Some sort of transition is in order. . "

           "I get the message."

He poured some more Rum and Coke from the silver and crystal pitcher into his glass and motioned for me to push my own glass toward him. I did so and observed:

           "Cuba Libre is great!"

He looked at me and smiled. He fixed his gaze on the palm trees swaying in the breeze and the azure ocean beyond the Malecón and said:

          "Sí señor! Cuba Libre is great! Thanks to me, amigo. Cuba was never free until the day I came down off the hills into Havana. First, it was the Spaniards who owned the island. Then the Church. For a while, we had the British, French and Dutch pirates running things here. Then we had a pretty gang of self-proclaimed aristocrats supporting a degenerate army sergeant. The only Cuba Libre all that time was the drink!"

          "Comandante, we know that your retirement day is coming now that bother Raul is running the show. It is clear that you can not opt for retirement in Cuba. Have you thought about another place?"

          "Despite his advanced years, he still projects an image of vitality and optimism. He smiles easily and with the same propensity he can turn aggressive and sarcastic. He pointed a finger at me and in a low voice said:

          "Well, it is probably true that I will have to leave one of these days. I am getting old and I want to write my memoirs before it is too late. Besides, I promised Michael Korda at Simon and Schuster that I would send him the first thirty thousand pages before the Chinese Olympics. . "

           "There are many places where you could settle, Comandante"

           "Well, let me list the places I don't want. For starters Florida;  too many Cubans there. Europe is too expensive and they don't have good cigars. I would have liked Spain but the Socialists and then the PP’s have wrecked the country. South America is out. They seem to prefer Che Guevara and, besides, they have stopped having revolutions. They are so stable they are boring!"

            He let out a voluminous cloud of smoke, and looking out the window, continued:

           "I guess the only place left for me is the United States!"

           "How is that Comandante?"

           "Listen, I might consider a banquet circuit deal in the U.S.. I see where all your retired politicians, generals, comedians and CEO's sign these juicy contracts and get up to three hundred thousand pesos per speech. And a free meal! Where else but in America, son?"

          "But you must keep in mind that you are not exactly a favorite son, Comandante"

          "No problema. A couple of appearances at the Jay Leno and Dave Letterman shows, a chat with Tim, some deep analysis with Larry King and one afternoon with Oprah and I will be more popular than Antonio Banderas."

          "I don't know, Comandante. The State Department has its own guidelines. They  will probably help you make the transition from active Caribbean dictator to retired Caribbean Dictator"

"Great! Besides, if we are going to do some trading with your State Department, I might ask for a few things. For instance, I want to take golf lessons with Sergio garcia. I am too old for baseball. I want tickets to the World Series and I want McDonald's to include Arroz con Pollo in their menus. . "

"Anything else?"

"Do you think I can be eligible for Social security benefits?"

THE Surgeon

"What should I call you ? Doctor, Professor, what?"

When I am before experts and specialists I always make sure that a proper atmosphere of respect prevails. It does no good to familiarize an interview; it works both ways. A person that is respectfully addressed usually responds in kind. With exceptions of course.

"It really makes no difference to me. If you wish you can call me by my first name which is Lem"

He was a rugged and handsome Marlboro ad type of doctor, I thought. While he had a reputation as one of the best in his profession, I could not help wondering if some of the good press was not in part contributed by his masculine looks and that engaging smile of his. It was easy to understand why housewives would readily agree to his work methods and his recommendations. When it comes to beauty, women can easily be influenced by beauty.

"All righ, Lem. Tell me, how did you get into this specialized field of surgery?"

"Well, I always admired beautiful things. When I was a small boy, my father bought me a set of small tools and since then I have been absolutely seduced by the way tools can beautify things and bring changes that people enjoy.."

 Yes, I would agree. Your surgery work is really outstanding. Also, the fact that you have won the City's Best Citizen Award confirms your peculiar expertise. You are truly a mechanic of beauty!"

"It has not been easy. For some years, people in this city did nothing to apply modern surgery techniques. In all those years, people did not have many opportunities to recur to specialized outfits. But, it is a smart town. When the time came, it was quick to recognize and apply modern technology."

 "What is the major drawback in your work, Lem?" I asked, while he carefully removed his gloves and his cap and dried his forehead with a Korean imitation Italian silk bandanna.

"Usually the husbands and children"

"Why is that?"

"Husbands because they have to pay the bill and children because they often prefer the way things were before I operated"

"How do you cope with those problems?"

 "Have you ever seen a tree surgeon that is not a good diplomat?"

DANCING WITH THE STARS

The Professor was mad at me. We had agreed to meet at 8 pm to sign an important agreement. My delay led to postponement of the meeting.

“What in heaven’s name happened to you?”

It was a mild reproach that nevertheless made me feel bad and reconfirmed my reluctance to have dinner with my TV producer friend who insisted on having the infernal screen on during the meal.  Instead of serving dinner at a decent hour as he and his wife usually do, this time they had an important guest other than me. It was the usual mogul whose generous pockets would shortly finance one of my friend’s TV ventures.

The meal was not bad except that the screen showed in all its misery that popular program “Dancing with the Stars”! I could not think of an excuse drastic enough to get up off the table and rush into the evening traffic. I suffered in silence.

“What was so terrible about having the program Dancing with the Stars as dinner background? “ Asked the Professor.

“Well, for one thing, dancing is the wrong term. When you have a couple of great athletes that seemingly have been starched inside and out ,that move in spasms, gyrations, stiff turns and sequences with a minimum of grace and beauty, no great meal is going to reduce the pain and revulsion.”

“Tell me more’ he urged.

“Dance is or should be a blend of rhythm, beauty and music, not a gymnastic exhibition performed by dummies who believe that keeping a robot attitude, a stiff back and an artificial sense of coordinated motion, they are performing a dance!”

I paused for a moment and then declared:

“Our next president would do well to forbid  these spectacles to take place. They are anti-American, attempt against the laws of inertial navigation, erode the sense of naturalness, equilibrium and grace of our youth and gives the US the image of a country that encourages its people to defy gravity and wear uncomfortable shoes!”

As a special service, and at the risk of being reprimanded for describing situations that take place in the future (severely prohibited by the authorities I answer to), I can not resist providing my loyal reader (s) with a glimpse of the future.

November 15, 2008

The Supreme Court in an extraordinary meeting that lasted all night declared null and void the 2008 presidential elections that took place last week, November 6 that ended in a three way tie among Senators Clinton, McClain and Obama.

 As a result of the nationwide protests and demonstrations held in almost every city of the republic, a state of emergency was declared early today. General Petraeus has been recalled from his post in Baghdad and will take over the direction of all National Guard  Commands, Armed Services, Firefighters, Postal Workers, THE MEDIA, the National FooTball League and Oprah Winfrey’s TV show.

The three elected presidents have refused to leave the White House and have taken possession of one floor each, with Senator Clinton having also exclusive access to the White House Wine cellars. The Court and an anxious public await Petraeus arrival; he will have to decide on the appropriate surge to proceed, based of course on “recommendations resulting from an objective evaluation and an immediate re-evaluation leading to a proper assessment that will demand a pause in order to arrive at a consolidation of criteria and subsequent action!”, in general Petraeus own words.

November 16. 2008- EXTRA

General Petraeus arrived early this morning and proceeded to eliminate the Supreme Court and the entire judicial structure of the country. Similar measures apply to the Senate, all corporations paying more than one million dollars to their CEO’s, the Electoral College, Bill O’Reilly, Anne Coulter and the Rev. Pat.

He is expected to ‘surge’ the White House shortly. It has been reported that the Bush family, accompanied by the Cheneys, Roves, Wolfowitzes and Doctor Phil have escaped to Mexico in one of Halliburton’s Jumbo Jets. The same report mentions that more than 16 million Americans led by Lou Dobbs have also left the country for Mexico. They were all glad that we never secured our borders so that they just drove on through!!

Overheard  in  a Home in Central Bronx

“Dad, what the hell is that surge everyone mentions when they talk about Iraq?

“Son, it is a long story.  You see, after we invaded Iraq, things got wild. There were three major groups in Iraq that took advantage of the confusion we created with our invasion, to settle old accounts among themselves. They used our troops as hateful invaders and started to shoot anything that moved. Then, the Al Qaida boys showed up and started their own war against our troops.”

“You mean like our civil war?’

‘More or less; we had the unionists, the confederates, the neutrals the undecided, the distant and in the end they shot at themselves all the time.”

“Fine Dad, but what the hell is the surge?”

“It is a term coined by the President’s public relations advisers. They grabbed a general that had written a manual about invading countries and used one of his ideas which they called ‘surge’. You see, it sounds better than saying ‘adding troops in areas surrounded by walls, tanks, canon, marines,   boy scouts, etc. The media loved it since things were getting worse in Iraq and pouring more troops was one of the solutions.”

“So, what happened?”

The fact that the arrival of troops in Baghdad coincided with the peace arranged by two of the factions, led to less violence and bombings in the city. Besides,  the US Army of Occupation had began a frenetic campaign of wall building to isolate and control small parts of the city of Baghdad.”

“ Gee dad, that is fascinating. Give me an example like you always do when I don’t understand something a 100 percent!”

“Sure. Imagine that the Bronx, Manhattan, Central Park, Staten Island, Spanish Harlem, Brroklyn and Long Island have people that hate those who live in the other boroughs or districts. Imagine that they lost the leader that kept them all in line and an army from Idaho took over the region. When this happened the natives from the Bronx, Central Park and the others districts were free to bomb each other to pieces and in the process kill a few Idahoans. Worse yet, was the fact that a feared Mafia from Detroit showed up and participated in the killings and bombings. Follow me?’

“Yes Dad. What happens next?”

“Ah! A brave general appears, performs a ‘surge’, or brings more troops and builds walls all over. 12 foot tall walls that keep people from going to the next district. They can no longer go to Manhattan or Central Park or Brooklyn or Long island. Buses, subways, cars are all out of action. Finally there is peace. To bomb something you have to get there and with all the troops in every corner of every district plus the walls and the helicopters, tanks and rockets, peace is finally at hand. Of purse, I neglected to tell you that 5 million people left those districts and moved to Jersey, Connecticut and the Poconos!”

“What would happen to the Idahoans?”

“Ask McCain; he thinks that they would stay around for at least 100 years!”

• THE US ELECTIONS AUCTION

  “Professor, the more I see of these so called debates, the more convinced I am that we are losing that element of geniality and inspiration that used to make this country great. Listen, I spent a few minutes watching some politicians accusing each other of real or imaginary sins, delivering the same sing songs about a few issues and in general talking as if their words were heard and their meaning understood.”
  The Professor, busy with a breakfast that again raised Antoine’s expertise a few notches, smiled at me and replied:
  “Before we solve the problems of the republic, have you tasted that salmon?”
  Of course I had tasted it and it had a peculiar effect on me. It made me realize that perfection is not unreachable. It made me think that quality is not totally elusive. It made me realize that attaining excellence is not a distant aim that is beyond our means. And, unfortunately it reminded me of the sad episode represented by those stupid presidential debates that are regularly inflicted upon a semi literate public.
  “It was unique, Professor. Antoine continues to improve on anything that reaches his kitchen, This salmon was divine. Do you think there will be leftovers for tomorrows’ breakfast?”
  The Professor smiled and said in a serious tone:
  “You have not recovered from the moments you spent watching those debates. I wonder what those citizens that retain the capacity to think feel about this magnificent farce. I wonder if some of them who have the power and the vision, supported by honesty and integrity, feel that we are coming to the end? Can they do something about it?”
  Yes, I thought, there must be a healthy percentage of Americans that feel that things have gone too far with our political system. Someone said recently that the best auction on the planet was the US presidential elections and lamented that participation was limited to US born citizens. He added, with tongue in cheek, that if such requirement was removed, candidates from Saudi Arabia, Qatar, China, Singapore, Brazil and Super Chavez of Venezuela would have the opportunity to buy into the most attractive and profitable market ever created on the planet.
  I mentioned that to the Professor who shook his head and said:
  “He was not far from the truth. Our elections in general are nothing but auctions. If you have the means, or can obtain them by associating yourself with persons or entities possessing sound economic resources, or even one of those nation-wide religious sects that have developed their own gold mines, you can opt for an elected office. Even the Presidential office!”
  I asked:
  “How about the political parties? There is a long tradition and valid concepts propping them up. Can they do something?’
  “Not anymore. Keep in mind that the party system is moribund. The parties as such do not count anymore. Just a label or a clever television phrase.”
  I thought for a moment about the changes in the party system in the US. While never perfect, it did steer public opinion, created the visions and injected the necessary optimism. It developed, in most cases, acceptable political platforms that blended practical policies with the chosen candidate’s own visions. I said so and the Professor came back with a serious evaluation:
  “Well, these days political parties are limited to raising funds, maneuvering with the media and dream up the catchy phrases you mentioned. In my opinion, we should revise the entire process, beginning with the unnecessary complication of primary elections instead of individual state conventions. If not, soon there will be Secondaries and then Tertiaries and so on, so that we will have a steady menu of elections every day of every year. Would you stand something like that?”
  “You make it sound as a lost cause, Professor. But every time I think of those debates and the attending circus I have to agree with you fully. Now, is there any salmon left?”

  Marco Miranda Sr.

  
  

  The Auction of the White House

There is no question that these years in the White House in contact with the leaders of the world, have changed George W. Bush from a modest governor of one of the remote provinces of the republic, into a brilliant world statesman. At least that is what he thinks and, at times so does the First Lady.

She joined the President at  exactly 10 am.,  which is the official coffee break at the Oval Office. The coffee cart arrives punctually and for 15 minutes whoever happens to be with the president, has access to coffee, tea, cocoa and donuts. 

This day, Laura walked into the Oval Office during the coffee break.  She was aghast. She saw the president at his desk with a stack of emails, faxes, reports and other documents in front of him and two of his Secretaries busyly taking down notes and writing memos, emails and presidential pardons. She had not seen such dedication on the part of the President  since 9/11. His guests meanwhile were busy finishing two trays of donuts and croissants along with cup after cup of coffee. There was the Prime Minister of a country near Australia,  Condi with two ambassadors from Latin American nations, a famous doctor and two of the president’s speech writers.

At one point the President looked at a message and said to Mrs. Perkins, his number one Secretary:

“Mrs. P, we must spell correctly the names of these people.” He then proceeded to spell Shevardnadze, Nakuhauyama, Sarkozy, Rodriguez de Mandaleigotia y Casalingo, Montauban Frere de Villiers and Hahma Edanes Likki, under the growing admiration of all those present. He looked at the next message and said to Mrs. P:

“Send this message in French to the Minister of Health in France”

“Should I call the translator?”

“No, just write: Chere Simon, J’ai recu wothre letter et je pense que on ne fait pas d’omeltte san casser d’oeufs, dit l’adaga populaire.  Les scientifiques ecossaise du veulent, eux, en asser pour querir le cancer et d’autres maladies. C’est en cassant aussi le code genetique de ces braves volatiles, en modifiant leur genome pour forcer leurs oeufs a contenir certainness proteins-cles q’ils esperent y arriver!”

He smiled and then switched effortlessly into English:

“I will also dictate a note to the German Chancellor in German after I get through with my meetings here.

Laura was in ecstasy. The pride she felt was so intense that she wanted to scream. She could not help herself and approached the President. She opened her arms to embrace him and to her surprise nothing was there. Then, she woke up!

Do We Really Need These Elections?

If I remember correctly, the Founding Fathers, who also included a few rich merchants and slave owners that worried more about their fleets of wagon trains, their seed depots and their inventories of plowing implements,  never envisioned that the republic they had been so busy building, would turn out to be a sad imitation of the enlightened democracy they had in mind.

No doubt that some of the initial wisdom and good intentions did create one of the finest civilizations in many centuries. But, like all the others, it began to crumble at the seams by its own fault and ultimately dissolve into a messy pantomime of uneducated, ignorant masses and greedy merchants. The present elections – more of an auction – for the presidency, is perhaps the clearest proof that we are about to croak as a nation. To quote a clever sentence in a recent book, “they will turn to dust while looking at their gold Rolex wristwatches, fondle their silicone-challenged women and look with greedy eyes at their multi million dollar retirement bonuses as they sink into oblivion!”

My lovely wife, a Clinical Psychologist with a couple of PhD"s, seldom makes mistakes. Not counting that "I Do" she pronounced before a minister few years ago.

"What do you think of Obama?" I asked her, curious to get a clear judgment on a candidate that seems to have raised a tsunami of expectations from the American public. A public that is desperately seeking someone to worship.

I have already registered shameless comparisons of Obama with Lincoln, Jesus of Nazareth, Clark Kent, Jack and Bob Kennedy, Plato, Enrico Carusso, Martin Luther King, Tiger Woods, George Clooney, Daniel Webster, St. Augustine, Count Dracula and Borat. You listen to the panegyrics and you can almost see the halo around Obama"s pointed head. I said so. She smiled, condescendingly as usual, and replied:

"Great powers of expression. I heard him talk about the problem of garbage disposal in urban areas. I remember it word by word." She quoted:

"Problems of this kind in our nation elicit legitimate concerns and answer to a popular belief in the infallibility of the subtle control projected by any government with an ideal in mind and a policy on hand. Sublime efforts can only be spent by the generous American nation in the pursuit of objectives clearly delineated by the Founding Fathers and the glorious brilliance of activated minds and pristine souls. In the end I conclude that such problem is not a problem. God Bless America!"

She added: "You know what? He reminds me of Robert Redford!"

"Robert Redford?"

"Yup. Robert Redford in The Candidate. Remember the last scene? After a string of brilliant speeches, he is finale elected president; he sits on the edge of the bed and asks his Chief of Staff,

"What do I do now?"

The Candidate

                                                                                "To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am."

                                                                                 Bernard Baruch

Senator John McCain has been for many years a welcome voice of honesty and common sense in the Senate of the United States. For a second time he is running as a candidate for the presidency of the United States; his attempt in 2004 was derailed at that time by his own party, which had adopted a most objectionable strategy based on lies, smear and falsehoods. Notable were the attempts against Senators John Kerry and Max McClellan. The offenses and attacks against them were the more deplorable as all three were Vietnam War veterans with distinguished service records.

We had met before at several of the capital's glittering functions sponsored by wealthy lobbyists, at one or two exotic embassy parties, and also at numerous elegant soirées hosted by rich, old dowagers who keep trying to maintain the Washington Hostess sub-culture alive. He had always been distant to members of the press, or to those who were not immediately identified as card, cape, and sword-carrying members of the Party, but in my case – as independent as a tornado -  he had always shown some accessibility, due perhaps to the fact that my mother in Tucson, Arizona was distantly related to him.

He was radiant that evening when we met at the Osiris, the fashionable cocktail lounge in Georgetown. The nomination seemed within his grasp. With Mitt gone, he only had to worry about Huck and Paul. Actually, not even worry. The next target now was the November elections and then a victorious ascension to the White House.

 “If it wasn’t for that veto on the Childcare measure, I would feel better!” he said just when Senators Chamblee and Isaacson of Georgia stopped by the table to greet McCain with a short hello, devoid of any warmth. McCain nodded without a word. As they moved on, Mc Cain said: “There go two more loyal White House dummies. If the President suggests that eating raw alligator is good for you, those two would move to the Okeechobee swamp in a jiffy!”

I made no comment except to point at the bowl of peanuts on the table and observe:

“You know, Senator, Georgia has the best peanuts in the country.”

“You are right it is known all over; the right place for peanuts!”

"I thought Georgia was the Peach state?"

"Peaches, peanuts, what's the difference?"

He looked at me and flashed that smile that his PR advisers had diligently drilled into him. I decided not to pursue the issue. I signaled the waiter and asked him to bring some almonds, Brazilian nuts, and Idaho potato chips. They were all safe from associations and inferences.

"Well, Senator,  how do you view the race at this point?"

"Of course, it's too early to tell. You know, a few weeks ago it looked as if we would have half the party running. There were Governors who wanted to emulate Bush and Clinton and follow in their footsteps -- from Governor's mansion to White House in one easy hop. Others just announced they were running to keep their local lobbies happy and their bank accounts open. Then there were the usual millionaires out to prove that the White House could be an acceptable capital gain and a tax write-off."

"How about some of the old timers?"

"Not much enthusiasm this time. Instead we got a self proclaimed hero from Brooklyn and a worn out actor from Tennessee."

My next question was a touchy one. I had to couch it in careful verbiage.

 “Senator, recently you made some assertions that leak from all sides. You said quite emphatically, that America is a “right of center nation”, adding also that this has always been the country’s preference.”

He looked at me and in a serious tone asked:

“And what the hell is wrong with that?”

“A simple historical fact, Senator. This country was founded by men who supported a liberal approach to government in all its facets. They were naturally anti-authoritarianism, repudiated any form of inequality and believed strongly in a free society, which also includes the right and freedom to worship. Right of center, my foot!”

He smiled and muttered; “Wise ass. It is a matter of opinion really; it is like a necktie, some people wear it tight and others loose!”

Again, I did not wish to pursue the matter.  Besides, the Senator is known for his violent eruptions when engaging in a discussion, or even an innocent interview. Let it age, as the cheesemakers say. I drank some more of that lovely bourbon and asked the senator:

"Senator, it is claimed that some of the younger people in this country consider that your seniority and maturity, the result of your many years in public service, deserves perhaps a reward other than an active Presidency."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"That you are too old for the job," I said, and grimaced for what was to come.

"Was Reagan young? How about Adenauer, De Gasperi, Salazar, Franco, Perón, Fidel Castro? Look at the Popes, the older they get, the better they perform. Old age, as someone said, is a matter of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!"

"But it does matter to some people because they mind."

"What's your point?" he growled.

I shrugged. "No, nothing, just pointing out a different perspective."

He sighed and relaxed. "Listen, sonny, when you get old you will acquire wisdom and all the perspective you can handle. You will become aware of how the world has changed and you feel the need to try to stop it, because the future is not about change, but about maintaining the endurance of the past. And that's where I step in, because I'm better off governing the outside world, than trying to control my inside world."

The Senator stopped popping Brazilian nuts into his mouth and fixed his gaze on an old black and white, faded photograph of a Potomac ferry on the far wall of the room. Was he remembering his youth? A sober expression replaced the relaxed look of a moment before; it seemed as if he was mentally reviewing the million Senate battles he had gone through and the myriad experiences he had had in a long and distinguished career in the Senate. His tone was philosophical when he said:

"True, time catches up with everyone. Those young voters who think I am too old, will themselves get old and with age they will acquire wisdom and maturity. If they don't vote for me in 2008, I am sure they will in 2012!"

Bleak 2008 ELECTION YEAR

For an entire year we have been exposed to something similar to physical torture. Everywhere you turned during each and every one of the 365 days of the year 2007 you ran into the faces of 20 candidates for the presidency of the republic, endless TV and Radio commentary, article upon article with pros, cons and did you know?, sensational revelations about the type of toothpaste used by the candidates, videos, U-Tube, U-Save, U-Know, U-Bother Me, and an endless and shapeless diet of nonsense, inanity and so what!

But now, in 2008 we will only have four candidates  and toward the end only two. How are we going to substitute the relentless media attacks that have become an organic craving by now?

We could make the election year of  2008 not only interesting but also lively to an extreme. I would start by taking Ralph Nader seriously and letting him get a spot in the line-up. Then I would get Pat Buchanan who can enlighten us with his own versions of our history. We will need Ross Perot to introduce a touch of Western sophistication and promote future wars.  Then we must have Al Gore to replace the sleeping pills we take throughout the day. To demonstrate our total absence of racial prejudice we also invite an Asian like Mister Wu, my private nuclear physicist, the Al Sharpton-Reverend Jackson duet, the Mind of Mencia and, of course, Steven Colbert.

How about Bill Clinton?  you might ask.

Save him for 2012!

Overheard at the White House sometime in 2009

President  Barack Obama did not take long to set a special tone in the White House. Punctuality was the keynote. Oprah Winfrey, the new Chief of Staff kept a constant check of events from the kitchens to the Oval Office to make sure that they place at their established time. Three minute boiled eggs that in the previous administration meant from 5 to 15  minutes, were now rigidly kept at exactly three minutes.

Other important dependencies like State Department affairs, Defense, Commerce and Health Care were under a schedule of three visits a week at a certain hour with each visit lasting no more than 7 minutes. The changes were visible!

This day, we heard:

“Mister President, we have a problem. In addition to the inflow of immigrants from Mexico we are now discovering thousands upon thousands of illegal immigrants coming in from Canada. Since the inauguration date, more than two million Canadians have entered the country. What should we do? “

The President stood up and started to walk around the Oval Office deep in thought. Then he declared, looking up toward the ceiling with a clear gesture of concentration and inspiration:

“I never meant for change to reach these extremes. Extremes in government  can introduce an element of doubt and, spiritually, they can nullify perceptions and reduce the level of legitimate intentions, as intimated by the famous Jackson versus Melania case in 1927 and also referred to in the fifth paragraph of article 1226 of the Legal Maneuvers and Excuses manual of 1881. Just keep that in mind!”

“Yes Mister President, but what can we do with the Canadians?”

“Talk to Lou Dobbs!”